In Case You are Wondering Part Three

I don't really have any new news from the doctors other than that we have eliminated a lot of things. We are now looking into autoimmune diseases and I am seeing a chiropractor. I went to Fredericksburg last weekend and walked Main Street for a couple of hours. The pain in my hips, back, and legs has been off the charts since then and I have been forced to lay on my back for the majority of the week. The pain in my heart is currently worse than that. I have cried, alot, every day this week. I just wish I had some answers. I sat down in my room and had some time with God last night. I was thinking about what my quiet time looked like before marriage and three kids, and what it looks like now. Very different. It's funny. Before kids, I could lock myself in my room for hours and wrestle it out with God when I was struggling with anything "big." I wrestled with God for hours abut giving me a spouse one time. It was a block of about two hours straight and I remember every detail so clearly. (Don't get me wrong, I am talking specifically about wrestling with God over a specific, what appears to me at the time, BIG issue. I am not talking about daily interaction and worship for the Lord.) So last night, I begged Him for perseverance, strength, and answers. I NEED answers. I NEED to know what I am dealing with and if it is ever going to go away. I feel like I could fight "better" if I knew WHAT I was fighting. All these unknowns are driving me crazy.

A friend pointed out to me last night that I am living my dream right now, with the exception of this pain. And she is so right on. I AM LIVING MY DREAM RIGHT NOW, but I have been forced to sit on the sidelines and cheer.

This week, I have spent every ounce of energy I have on my amazing family, (and on figuring our whats going on, ie, phone calls w/doctors, lab work,chiropractor.) I am not spending energy on cleaning and laundry, but rather on talking to the boys, all three of them, playing Lego's with the boys, and taking care of the princess. Cleaning, laundry, etc. is on the bottom on my list. I don't want to spend my energy doing those things because then I won't have the energy to be nice to the family! (Yep, it takes energy to be nice:))

Speaking of Lego's, the boys and I are totally addicted to Lego's right now! I wish I could buy every Lego set out there! The problem is, I sit on the floor to put together a few things and then I get up hurting so bad from sitting on the hard floor. I need one of those donut pillows that I used to think was so funny for my grandma to sit on when I was little. Seriously. I think I would take it out with me when/if I go to restaurants or any place that involves sitting for extended periods of time.

I stepped on the scale yesterday and realized that I have gained 10 pounds since my back was hurt. Oh man, I would be so happy if I woke up tomorrow and that was the biggest of my concerns. So happy. So stinkin happy.

Watch your life and your doctrine closely. Persevere in them,because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

1 Timothy 4:16