In My Shoes

"In my shoes" is a weekly series that is updated every Thursday. I hope you enjoy the following post and that like me, you will learn more about a different walk of life, which will help you to love better! We love comments or likes and would love to have you follow this series with us. We have some amazing women and amazing topics to share. If you have something YOU would like to write about, please contact me!

Some say that chronic pain is when the pain exceeds 3-6 months from the onset. Others say that chronic pain is pain that has existed for 12 months. Either way, I qualify.

Many people have suffered physical pain much worse than what I am living with. This is my mountain though. This is a walk I am going through and these are some of the things I am learning.

I see others differently now. Many times in my life I have seen someone in a wheel chair, with a limp, or with some other physical ailment that has made me uncomfortable. There have been more times than I care to admit that because I don't want to stare or make anyone uncomfortable so I just look the other way. Granted, not everyone that is in a wheelchair is in pain, but because I have felt so close to that, or that it really could happen to me as well, I no longer feel uncomfortable around people who are different. Now I see a person inside. I don't see the lady walking with a limp, I see the person who was/is just like me and now, for whatever reason, their body isn't working as it "should." I want to know them and I want to know their stories.  I'm so thankful for this new perspective and comfort that I have now with a whole other group of people.


Since I have been in pain, I have felt closer to God and more dependant on God than I ever have before in my life.  And I don't mean this in a "I'm so holy, I am so close to God and I need Him so much because I'm such a good christian kind of way."  It's more like, "God, you're going to have to help me because otherwise, this pain is going to be the end of me."  Or , "God, I can not do this, please, please, please make me better.  Please help me survive this.  Please take away the pain. Please give me joy. Please help me to LIVE."  He hears those cries.  He hears them just as much as songs of praise.  In fact, scripture says that he is close to the brokenhearted.  I know this now more than I ever have before.  Is it an "ok, everything is wonderful, polly anna type of presense??" No way.  It's a comfort.  It's a bare bones type of knowing that He is near.  It's a knowing in the midst of feeling desperate.  And then the sadness passes and He gives me the strength to keep going.

I have good days, sometimes good weeks.  It's amazing how quickly I go back to forgetting how much I need Him.  It's amazing how quickly I go back to thinking I can do things on my own.  It's in moments like these that I wonder if He's telling me the same thing He told Paul when He said, "my grace is sufficient."  I'm sure God can do more through me if I stay in this place of dependancy, but honestly, sometimes I don't even care about that because I just want the pain to go away.  I feel so horrible saying that, but it's true.

Being in pain keeps me at a place where I KNOW that I am powerless.  I KNOW that everything is out of my control.  Having something in my life that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it to make it go away reminds me constantly that life is out of my control. Obviously, we make decisions and contribute greatly to our lives, I'm not saying that, but I am saying that EVERY good thing we are able to do is a gift FROM our father in heaven.  All of it.  And it all can be taken away in a moment.  We are just grass that withers and flowers that fade.  We are mortals simply granted an opportunity and a chance to live life to the fullest for a season.  And it's passing quickly.

Lastly, I understand more than ever than our bodies are a dwelling place for the holy spirit now more than ever.  I have felt this huge disconnect between my body and my soul through all of this.  It's the strangest thing, but it's like no matter how much I will my physical body,  through my spirit to cooperate, it doesn't listen!  It's just the temple that my spirit, and that the spirit of the holy spirit dwell in.  It isn't "me."  Does that makes sense??  I don't know how else to explain it other than my soul still feels whole and complete, while my body feels "broken."  It's weird.

I wasn't planning on posting about this, but I ended up with an empty spot so there it is!  These are some of the things I have learned walking in these shoes.  I'm curious on what my perspective on this will be in 10 years from now!

Looking forward to hearing about post-partum depression, being a doctor's wife, and losing a parent in the next few weeks.  Thanks for joining us!

Love,

Mindy