Jesus Is Worth It...

It's been a few months, well about 7 months actually, since I have seen any doctors about the physical pain I have been experiencing.  After obsessing over "figuring this all out," I took a much needed, long break from doctors appointments.

I've tried pretending everything was ok and hoping and praying that eventually it would all go away, exercising, stretching, yoga, miracle ball, and a few other natural, home remedies all to no avail.

The pain comes and goes depending on how much or how little activity I do, but it's always at bay.  It's my pretty constant companion:).

So Wednesday, I finally got brave enough to go back to see my rheumatologist.  I was so nervous and wanted to cry in the waiting room.  I think the biggest reason was because I got so tired of people(doctors) telling me that everything was normal in the past when I KNEW things WERE NOT normal! I was scared of putting myself out there only for that to happen again.  BUT on the other hand, I want some relief so that my quality of life can be bettter and I just can't give that up.

So, after looking over my file some more, examining me, and talking things over some more, my doc spits out the word fibromyalgia.

My response was this,  "I have been told that fibromyalga is what doctors tell patients when they can't find anything wrong, and they think the patients are just crazy. Imagining things."

My sweet doctor then spent the next 30-40 minutes explaining the science and research behind the disease and how some doctors may think that, but it's not what they think that matters, it's what I know to be true that matters.  I know this pain is real and that I am not imaging it. And it's important that I don't let myself believe I am "just crazy" because that is just destructive and hopeless.

He explained to me that they have recently done real-time MRI's on the brains of patients with fibromyalgia compared to healthy patients and inflicted pain on both while watching the brain reactions.  Basically people with fibromyalgia have more sensitivity to pain through their nerves.  It's an imbalance in the brain that causes pain to be more intense.  So a healthy patients brain may respond hardly at all to a pinch on the finger, while a patient with fibromyalgia's brain would light up drastically.  SO. The doctor says my case isn't full blown fibromyalgia because it isn't widespread, rather it is more localized(lower back, legs, hips, butt).  Mine is more like myofascial pain syndrome, which is often a pre-cursor to fibromyalgia. 

He started me on some meds to hopefully balance the imbalance out a little bit and minimize the pain, which would be GREAT!  I'm really hoping and praying that it helps just so that normal things won't cause the nagging frustration and inability to function how I would like to:).

It's funny because a year ago, this diagnosis would have been devastating to me.  Now, it isn't.  Yeah, it's not the coolest thing ever, but it isn't the worst thing either.  It's a constant reminder to me of my weaknesses as a human.  It's a reminder to me that we live in a broken world with broken bodies, BUT our brokenness WILL NOT have the last word.  The intensity of pain that I have experienced IS NOTHING to what Jesus experienced on the cross.  And the reason He did that, is so that you and I could be rescued from this fallen world and from the brokenness of everything in it that leads to so much grief and sorrow.  Satan will not have the last word. This earth will be restored and if we allow Jesus to pay the price for OUR OWN sins, our own brokenness, if we believe in our need for HIM, and trust Him, then we too will be RESTORED.  And the suffering that we experienced in this lifetime will be a distant memory.  Worthy.  It will be worth it to have suffered to be closer to Jesus.  I am more dependant on the Lord and more thankful for His sacrifice than I ever have been and for that, I am so thankful. I am so much more mindful of my inadequacy's and weaknesses, and more aware of HIS POWER.  I am absolutely helpless without Jesus.


I am constantly reminded that every moment we have is the ONLY moment we have.  Tomorrow IS NOT a GUARANTEE.  We might not get the chance to love on our kids tomorrow, we might not get the chance to invest in our marriages and in the lives of people around us.  We might not get that chance tomorrow, but we have it today and we should use it to the fullest! 

To God be ALL the glory, great things HE is doing.

Thank you Jesus. 

Love,