Sunday

So we went to church as a family today. It was a sweet, special treat:) I am used to arriving, leaving, and everything in between that has to do with the kids, by myself typically at church so it was nice today to have an extra set of hands to get the kids from here to there! (and yes, Jason is so much more than an extra set of hands, but you can never have enough hands when you have three preschoolers!) (Oh, and they have special parking for single moms! How cool is that?!) It was a great message that spoke straight to my heart. I took Sarah to the nursery for the first time, she did great, and I was able to listen.
Kirk talked about parenting which is right up my alley! I will take all the encouragement I can get in this area of life:) (We are visiting different churches in this interim time of planting The Crossing to check out how multiple, thriving churches are doing things.Fun times.)
So, one of the things that is HUGE that God is teaching me through this whole experience with my back is humility. My outlook on so many things has changed so much. The things that used to be so important to me, (ie. getting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes), seem so trivial to me now. What people think of me is another thing that is of a much lesser importance, how I appear to others, etc. Because I am realizing more and more that I really am nothing more than a clay vessel and God is the only one who can make something good out of me.
I have been letting satan tell me lies like that I am currently no good to my family because I can't do the things I would like to do for them. as Kirk put it today, we let the door to our hearts open and satan pry's his way in there telling us that we are failures, that we don't measure up, and shaking his head at us because of the ways we fall short. Thankfully, God is not a God of guilt, manipulation, and fear. So when I start thinking those thoughts of guilt and fear, I have to remind myself that it is not my father in heaven talking to me, but it is satan and he wants to destroy me. God is the one who gave me the honor and privilege of parenting these precious children, and He is the one who says that He will finish the work he has started in me. He WILL equip me to be the parent that he made me to be. He also is sovereign, and although I do not believe that He WANTS me to be in pain, it isn't taking Him by surprise. It's not like He is saying, "well great, I guess Mindy's kids are going to be ruined now because she is a crappy mom!" No, He still believes in me. He gives me the strength and He gave me this huge job! However, He also reminds me of how desperetaly I need His help to be the mommy that He desires me to me. And that is a very good thing! Because whenever I start to think that I don't need Him, but that I can do it on my own, well, that's when it gets bad. So back to humility. It is so humbling to realize just how desperately I need Him. It's beautiful. It's helpful in overlooking my shortcomings and the shortcomings of the other people in my life. It makes me slower to judge.
Last night as my head hit the pillow, I was so thankful that yesterday I was able to lay on the floor with Drew and watch a movie, while stretching the entire time to keep my back from stiffening up and spasming. I was thankful that I was able to take a nap cuddling next to princess and hold her hand. I am thankful for medicine that allows me to make dinner for my family while Dylan makes up this nasty concoction of things in the kitchen that he calls cooking! I am thankful that I was able to give my husband some time to search for sound equipment while I entertained the kids. I was thankful that I am able to listen to my husband as he shares with me all the things that are going on in the details of The Crossing.
I am praying and looking for special ways to connect with each person in my family and thankful for the opportunities to do so. I am doing my best to focus on those things instead of the things that I can't do.
And I want to remember, always, even when I am able to go on field trips with Dylan to Sea World, that I need my God desperately. I need Him. I can't do this without Him. And that is so cool because it puts less pressure on me to be perfect because He comes through. Every time. And He does it better than I could have ever dreamed.