God is Sovereign

I have had some GREAT doctors over the course of the last 9 1/2 months. In fact, I do believe I have been in the care of some of THE best. Dr. Kocay is a great OB/GYN who has a small practice in town that allows him to be very personable and he gives extra time and thought into each case.  Dr. Ben Stahl is a fabulous, caring family doctor who truly loves and cares about people, he also loves the Lord. Dr. James Kennell earned my respect in a big way as the best chiropractor in town, no doubt about it. Dr. Brian Winn is a rheumatologist that I would highly, highly recommend to anyone dealing with any type of auto-immune disease, although I wouldn't wish anything like that on anyone. Auto-immune diseases are horrible. Dr. Christine Vidouria came to the hospital to help me when I was having surgery for something that was completely unrelated to her, but she came just because she cares and she wanted to help take away my pain. She is so sweet and I wish she was my friend in real life, not just at doctor's visits! She's a mom and I am so thankful that Dr. Donnie Willig recommended her to me. He's a great doctor too by the way.
With all that being said, I have also had some horrible experiences at different hospitals. Experiences that have left me horrified by some people who work in the medical field. Some experiences that have opened my eyes to the fact that character is always what matters most. It doesn't matter how much education or how experienced some people are, if they do not have character, and if they do not care about people, nothing else matters. I think the same could be said in every field of work, even in the church. Some are motivated by money, prestige, and things of the world. Some doctors, some pastors, some in the stock market, or you fill in the blank. It's not our place to judge these people, but I definitely will consider these qualities when I am choosing a doctor, or anything else in the future. I have had doctors who wrongly diagnosed me and very clearly did not care at all about finding the real problem, but actually seemed put out by me. One doctor tried to send me home from the ER and I told her I wanted to stay. Less then an hour later, I started hemorrhaging again so fast that I most certainly would have died if I had been at home. I had to have 3 bags of blood transfused within hours of her trying to discharge me. It still blows my mind that I was that close to death, and that was just the first time, not the last. I have gotten so used to losing mass amounts of blood that I know what it feels like to be at the point of needing a blood transfusion, and at my last surgery, I begged my nurse for hours to do a blood count on me because I knew I was bleeding internally, and I was right. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't begged her until she finally gave in. I replay all of these things in my mind and I am still in total shock at all the things that have happened.
And I always come back to one place. Sometimes fear creeps into my mind, and I think about some of the things that are still not right with my body and can't help but wonder if this is all over. But the one thing I always come back to is God's sovereignty.
No matter how smart or advanced we think we are, the only thing that really matters is God's sovereignty. We are all going to die. And even though some things do not make any sense at all, such as tragedy, disease, suffering, God is always sovereign.  He is not baffled. He is not at a loss of what to do next. He is not weak.
Brokenhearted, maybe. I am starting to believe that His heart breaks when ours does. He hates seeing His children hurt. He hates sin. Hates it. But He allows it.
Why? Well, I am also getting to the point where I am ok with not understanding everything. I believe that He is sovereign, therefore, I believe that He knew we would suffer. Yet He allows it. At one point, I thought that was mean of Him. I don't anymore.
I am starting to see the fruit of suffering. It's a horrible road to travel, but I just don't know if the results could be produced any other way.
God is doing things within our family that are just flat out miraculous. He is doing things within my spirit that are worth all of it. The intensity of the pain I have experienced doesn't compare to the beauty of the peace He has brought to me soul. And that my friends, is a big statement to make.
God is doing things in my marriage that are priceless.
God is giving me friendships and strengthening friendships in ways that I didn't know were possible.
God is healing old hurts. He is healing old wounds and bringing my entire family together in ways that are immeasurable.
God is working in my kids. He is strengthening and pursuing their little hearts. It's beautiful to watch.
He is doing things in my prayer life and in my relationship with Him. I am in love with Him. 
All these things,  He is doing through suffering.  And it's worth it.