In my shoes...

"In my shoes" is a weekly series that is updated every Thursday. I hope you enjoy the following post and that like me, you will learn more about a different walk of life, which will help you to love better! We love comments or likes and would love to have you follow this series with us. We have some amazing women and amazing topics to share. 

  
The phone rings…it’s the voice of a good friend…on the other end you hear “I HAVE SOME NEWS!!! …” a weird knot hits your stomach as she says “WE ARE PREGNANT!!!.”  Now, you don’t have that yucky feeling in your tummy because you’re not happy for them; in fact it has nothing to do with them at all…it’s a clear reminder of a deep longing in your soul ~ the longing for a child.  

This post is for those waiting for a child.  
This post is for those longing to walk BESIDE someone waiting for a child.
This post is for those who want to hear the story of yet another soul God has graciously poured Himself into, revealing His amazing character and faithfulness.

My dear friend Mindy asked me to write about infertility…a “condition” that affects 7.3 MILLION people in the US. By that statistic alone I’m certain you or someone in your life has dealt with infertility ~ and I hope to share my story for hope, encouragement, and as a reminder that you’re not alone.

I want to apologize to those dealing with infertility for a few things you have heard:
*I’m sorry you’ve been told,  “don’t think about it, then it will happen.”  
*I’m sorry you’ve been told “you can always adopt” because I realize it’s not about adoption or not, it’s coming to terms with the death of a dream.
*I’m sorry you’ve had to listen to people complain about their kids.
*And I’m sorry you see big bellies everywhere, couples with babies, and have repeatedly been asked when you’re going to have kids (I’ve come to realize that that which I long for the most, my eyes tend to recognize first ;)).
*I’m sorry you’ve stood and listened to countless stories of people unable to conceive and they now have children (thank you for being gracious, and use those as encouragement and hope)…watch – you’ll be doing it too one day :).

People are not sure how to love you and how to walk beside you ~ they’re trying to reach out.  Take it and realize no one will do it perfectly...although I found there is One who WILL speak to your heart flawlessly!

Here is my story of infertility to establish credibility:
Got married.  Waited two years and decided to begin trying to expand our family.  Month after month came and went (our doctor doesn’t intervene medically until a year.)  At 2 years we headed in for testing and everything was normal.  Our doctor recommended us to a fertility clinic for further treatment. At 2 1/2 years we headed into that specialist.  They did loads of testing – again, everything normal. After a couple months of ineffective medicine, we decided to move forward with their least invasive procedure.  We were about 3 years into the “family expanding” process at this time and we were very eager to see the results of a procedure called IUI… negative pregnancy test.  We did another round – another phone call that my pregnancy test was negative.  We decided to take a break from scheduling our romance around ovulation :) and sitting in fertility center waiting rooms (plus the next step at the clinic was their BIG procedure and we were not quite ready for all that entailed).  So we took a year off.  It was a GREAT rest for us emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. So in 2006 (4 years after beginning this process) we headed back into the clinic for the BIGGIE – the BEST they have to offer medically – IN VITRO.  We prepared for months with tests/shots/getting all the hormone levels correct and did the egg retrieval…18 eggs!  The doctors were impressed. :)  Normally you wait 4-6 days for them to put 2 of those eggs in.  I received a call after two days that the eggs were fragmenting so they needed me to come in the next morning for implantation.  I went in – they put 2 eggs in and we waited. I will NEVER forget the road I was driving on when my caller ID said “Fertility Center.” I answered and she said “you are pregnant” – she was screaming & I was screaming!  I could not believe it…it had been 4 years since we began our journey!  I arrived a week later for a sonogram and stared at a sonogram picture of TWINS!!!  Starting at 4 weeks I heard baby A’s heartbeat, then Baby B’s heartbeat…you couldn’t have wiped the smiles from our faces if you tried!!!  We went in for a couple more sonograms and listened, and then arrived at the week 10 sonogram to experience the nurse stare at the screen and say, “I’m going to need to get the doctor.”  The doctor came in and together they watched the screen and kept checking, but the two heartbeats were gone. We listened to the “womb sounds” but no rhythmic beatings this time. We were shocked.  Over the next couple weeks we had test after test run – but all tests ended at no explanation or conclusion, we then had a DNC for the twin boys.  The days and weeks following that sonogram were rough.  We had 2 surviving frozen eggs at the clinic so a couple months later we had those implanted and the pregnancy test results were negative.  We then decided after 5 years in doctor’s offices ~ our season there was complete.  About half a year went by as we were praying through the next step for our family and one night I woke up hungry and started eating peanut butter (how I know I’m pregnant :)) – I took a pregnancy test and sure enough…we were PREGNANT!  We raced into the doctor, watched a heartbeat and only got to see that one two times as at our 8 week appointment, the heart had stopped.  It was disheartening – but we were stuck on the fact that after 5 years we had just been able to conceive a child!  About 6 months later I woke up hungry again and took a pregnancy test…sure enough…pregnant AGAIN…This time I didn’t run into the doctor.  We stayed very guarded due to our past history with pregnancies, and although there was some bed rest involved and a pretty wild 24 hours leading up to delivery, the Lord handed into our care our son Cason “Reid” Aderholt the evening of our 8-year wedding anniversary.

That is our story on the outside, but what took place in our hearts internally was a WAY BIGGER miracle than conceiving a child…it was a transformed heart.

I had a relationship with the God of the universe through Jesus Christ prior to losing my “perceived control” of my future family.  I accepted Jesus Christ years back and since then He has been revealing His character to me daily. I found myself putting more weight/trust/surrender each day into HIS character and less on my own wisdom.  Now this is a terrifying thought if you do not know God as He reveals Himself in the Bible.  Because trusting someone you don’t know…well, who would do that?!   What I found is that God’s GREATEST desire is to reveal Himself to His people.  As I planted myself in places where I was exposed to Him (people that knew Him and places that taught scripture about Him) He was EVERYWHERE.  I just hadn’t seen Him that vividly because I wasn’t looking that intensely. I would open the Bible and He would say things like, “when you call upon Me and come and pray, I will listen…you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart…I will gather you…I will bring you back.” Jeremiah 29:10-14 ~ and this is EXACTLY what happened.

Another lesson was about waiting…I’ve heard it said before, “One of the greatest dangers is waiting for life to begin in the future.”  This was a temptation for me.  What I found was that God had a plan for every day and it wasn’t to get to the next day - to get to the day we had a child; the purpose was for THAT day. Then I would open the Bible and He would say things like “I will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is stayed on Me.” Isaiah 26:3 ~ and that is EXACTLY what happened while I waited.

The pattern of God speaking so specifically was the most INCREDIBLE part of our journey and I now eagerly WAIT at His feet daily as I open scripture to see what He has to say…here are a couple of other things He said:
Balancing medicine & faith: “I can do all things and no plan of Mine will be thwarted” Job 42:2
Bed rest & delivery: “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He.  I am He who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you.  I will sustain you and I will DELIVER you.”  Isaiah 46:4
Arrival/Conception of Reid: “That they may see and know, may consider and understand that the hand of the Lord has done this, the Holy One of Israel created it.” Isaiah 41:20

God didn’t immediately give us what we wanted ~ He gave us what we needed… Him.
And if you’re in this place it might just be the grace of God drawing you to Himself so that you can pass the MOST INCREDIBLE gift onto your child one day…Him. 


Thank you for taking the time to read this ~ and I’d LOVE to hear your story, share any of the hundreds of things that weren’t mentioned, and most importantly pray alongside you as you walk down your journey…allisonaderholt@gmail.com

Blessings to you and all my love,
Allison Aderholt :) (in second year of “waiting” VERY DIFFERENTLY for child #2)