Happy Birthday Sarah Grace

Sarah Grace,


You were my last pregnancy. I didn't know it for CERTAIN at the time, but I had a pretty good idea, and I treated my time with you growing inside of me as so. I cherished every second of it! I loved watching my tummy grow as you grew, I LOVED feeling you kick and squirm, and I loved the anticipation of looking forward to meeting you. Some days I could hardly stand it. I would dream of the day I held you in my arms and then I would have to redirect my thoughts because the excitement and anticipation of it all was just too much. Many nights, I would go lay in bed long before I was ready to sleep just because I wanted to lay in bed and talk to you while feeling you squirm around. I would rub on your tiny little feet:). I even told your daddy that part of me wanted to keep you inside because I wanted to keep you all to myself! I didn't want to share you!! I loved you so much from the day I knew you were conceived. 

Oh, back to that...you were a SURPRISE!! I thought I might be pregnant, but I kept taking pregnancy tests and they were saying negative. Then, one day, I took one and it was POSITIVE!! I called a friend of mine and she offered to come watch the boys so I could go to your daddy's work and tell him. I was honestly a little bit nervous about how he would react because I knew he would be a little scared of having another baby. I will never forget it though. He held me in his arms, looked me in the eyes, and said, " I'm so excited because I love making babies with you!" Then we picked up our phones and started calling people! I ran into another friend as I was leaving the church and I said, "Guess what? We are having a baby! It's going to be a girl and we are naming her Sarah!" We were on cloud nine. 

I felt mostly good, just a little nauseous and dizzy in the first trimester, the second trimester was perfect, and the third trimester wasn't that bad. We kept trucking along all the way to the end, and we even went to your brothers soccer games and practice's up until the week before you were born! People said I looked too small to be so far along, but I didn't feel too small! I felt perfectly content. 


I had some pain in my sciatic nerve starting from almost the very beginning, and I was very scared about that, because I couldn't imagine it getting worse with the pregnancy, but one night, your daddy prayed for everything to realign and for the pain in my sciatic nerve to go away, and guess what?! It did! It went away that night and never came back!! Our God is a God who can heal when He sees fit. I was so thankful. 

Labor and Delivery was induced and I was thankful because that allowed us to plan for the boys. I planned a day of rest in the hospital hooked up to pitocin and an epidural, but it didn't quite work out like that! I had a few hours of pitocin and the contractions started coming strong. My doctor had me wait a little longer than I had hoped for my epidural, but it wasn't too bad. Then after I got my epidural, it stopped working at the very end!! The anesthesiologist came in right before I started pushing and gave me some extra drugs into my epidural,  which was a BIG mistake. I should have just endured the pain because it was over so fast and my legs were like spaghetti! You were so small and so beautiful, and so perfect. I was so excited that you actually were a GIRL!! Yeah, our little princess.

After delivery, I got really sick and made everyone leave the room. I didn't want anyone to be around because my head was hurting so bad and I was miserable. I didn't start feeling better until several hours later. Turns out my body was onto something, but we wouldn't know that until much later. 

So our hospital stay together was bliss, you had no complications, which was a nice change. You slept perfectly in the room with us, and from the first second I held you, you were the best, most content baby ever. You latched right on to nurse, and we were on the road to a great life together as a family of five.

I refused to make anything for Thanksgiving, but we had everyone come to our house. I just held you, nursed you, cuddled you, and kissed you every second that I could! You were my girl:). There wasn't very much, "do you want to hold the baby?" because I still didn't want to share you! I knew your tiny baby body would grow so fast right before my eyes.

I got so sick when you were two weeks old and went to the emergency room. I didn't want to leave you, so I called my nurse friend and asked her what I should do. She said, "take her with you!" So off we went. You slept like an angel the entire time in your car seat. I got dismissed and your Nana took care of you for a few hours so mommy and daddy could sleep. Then your daddy took care of you for a few days so I could rest and recover, bringing you to me only to nurse. I missed you, but I was too sick to do anything about it. 

Then I got better, daddy went back to work, and your brothers and I tried to get into a routine. It was actually pretty smooth for a few weeks because you slept so much so I was able to tend to your needs and your brothers needs just fine.

Your brothers welcomed you with open arms and loved you so much. They would try so hard to be sweet and gentle with you, but most of the time, it ends up being too rough and making you cry! 

This picture captures the way Drew is so rough with you! He tries...He tries:)

When you were six weeks old, I got really sick again and had to have emergency surgery. My biggest concern was not being able to nurse you! I loved feeding you and I didn't want anything to get in the way of our special time together! Then bad went to worse, and I didn't really care how you got fed, I just wanted to be alive to watch you grow up! God answered our prayers and spared your mommy's life. My recovery gave us LOTS of time to snuggle together! You and I stayed in bed together for months! You were such a trooper and we would snuggle in bed together every night and day! It was precious time! And thankfully, I got to nurse you for those months also! 

Then you got too squirmy, and I moved you to your room and you transitioned seamlessly! If anyone had told me all of the ways that you would be such an easy baby, I NEVER would have believed them! Thank you so much baby Sarah for making things easier on us as we adjusted. You must have known. God definitely knew. 

You have brought out a girly-ness in me that I forgot existed. It's as if the harshness of this world teaches us as women to be tough and strong. You have reminded me to me soft, and gentle, and pure. You have reminded me to embrace my feminine side. I want you to know how beautiful, perfect, and important you are. But at the same time, I want you to know that the reason you are beautiful is because that is how God created you. I want you to embrace your beauty and to use it for the glory of God. I don't want you to get caught up in the lies of the world. I don't want you to fall for all the ways that the world tells us that we have to look a certain way to be beautiful. We are beautiful just as God made us. I want your brothers to protect you and to be strong for you. I want them to make sure all the other guys know that their sister is a gift to be treasured. She isn't a body to be indulged by them, but you are a gem to be adored and treasured. 

Your daddy treats me that way, and oh how I look forward to watching your relationship with him grow. You have a playful side that knew just how to capture your daddy's heart. I think you caught him by surprise with that! You are like a cute puppy that likes to laugh and play games!

God told me to name you Sarah. He gave me that name long before you were conceived and I knew our family wouldn't be complete until I held you in my arms. It means princess, and a friend of mine told me that she believed God was giving you to us so that we could raise a girl, in this culture, differently than so many are currently being raised. (She told me this before any of us knew for certain that you were a girl, I was only about 7 weeks along.) I think she was right. I know God has special plans for you. I know that he wants you to be known as a princess for different reasons than what the world desires. You being a princess isn't based on your size of jeans, status in the world, and/or by the guy you date. It's by the God who made you.  Period. You are a princess. Every girl God creates is a princess, but sadly, they don't all know it. Maybe you will help others to realize it.

I picked the middle name "Grace" for you. I picked it because, to me, it is a word that summarizes the gospel so sweetly. God is constantly teaching me about His grace that He POURS over my life. I spent so many years trying so hard to measure up and to be good enough, when God was whispering to me the whole time, "just rest in my grace." He has already used you in so many ways to help me understand the depth of His grace. It's unfathomable. I fall short in so many ways, yet God loves me and died for me. I want you to know that He did the same for you. I want you to know that His grace covers you. It's a beautiful gift.  I think you will tell others about God's grace.

Happy birthday sweet Sarah. Your first year of life has been a year full of joy and sorrow wrapped tightly together for our family, and I am hoping for a more low-key second year of life! But whatever God has in store for us, I know it will be good.

I love you Gracy girl. I love you so much. I can't wait to watch you grow and grow and grow! 

Love,
Your Momma

The grass withers and the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.
Isaiah 40:1