In my shoes...

"In my shoes" is a weekly series that is updated every Thursday. I hope you enjoy the following post and that like me, you will learn more about a different walk of life, which will help you to love better! We love comments or likes and would love to have you follow this series with us. We have some amazing women and amazing topics to share. If you have something YOU would like to write about, please contact me!

I just buried my 33 year old friend today.  She is the mother of 5, the oldest is 15, the youngest 3.   Her smile was beautiful to all who saw her and her life cut way too short by a 3 year battle with cancer.  As I write this I am incredibly sad that we have all lost her and overwhelmed that I made it…

In late January of 2005 I was told I was pregnant.  That was HUGE because my husband and I had tried to conceive a child for almost 9 years at that point.  Adopting our first son was truly a gift from God and we were complete.  Although I still longed to be pregnant, I was so happy had not seen the warning signs of pregnancy.  When your body doesn’t work like it’s supposed and have had years of false hopes it wasn’t something I even thought was a possibility. 

Skip ahead to March of 2006 and with my 5 month old on my hip I gladly marched into our local superstore and purchased another home pregnancy test.  Yes, when they say that once the body starts working and knows what to do, they aren’t kidding!  Our youngest was born that November.  A house full of boys, a Dad with a full smile, and a Mom who’s heart was just exploding… until.

I was born with a mole in the middle of my hand.  That sentence changes the point of my story.  You see, after the birth of my two youngest boys the mole changed.  Not until then.  Not when I was teaching in our local public school for 10 years.  Not when my 9 year old was little. I absolutely know that God allowed this AFTER he gave me the desires of my heart to be pregnant , not once but twice!! It was cancer, stage 3B Melanoma that had spread to my lymph nodes under my left arm.  I have been told that all the hormone changes in my body with 2 back to back pregnancies was enough to affect a mole! Who would have guessed that the precious gift of life could cause my death.

When I received my diagnosis I was ,as many are, in shock and disbelief.  I immediately asked my dermatologist what to do.  His answer was to sit tight and he would make some calls to MDAnderson in Houston.  After many tests, soft tissue x-rays, and MRI’s later we had a plan.  I would need 2 surgeries and a full 52 weeks (that’s every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a year) of Chemotherapy.  

We celebrated Thanksgiving that year with our family in Arkansas and since my baby’s birthday is the 28^th of November, we had his 1^st birthday party there too.  My 8 hour surgery was scheduled for November 26^th and I would be in the hospital for 4 days.  I would be missing his very first birthday.  So much had changed in a years time. Driving home from Thanksgiving that year knowing what was ahead was tough.

We started the new year in the Hunt home recovering from surgery, a huge cast like protector on my left arm, and home health nurses coming every other day to change bandages because the hole left in my palm from removing the mole and 2 inches all the way around had to be filled with clean tissue, blood vessels, and skin FROM MY WRIST, empty drainage pumps, relying on my Mom and our church family for everything from house cleaning , laundry, meals, chemo shuttles and did I mention at that time had a 5 year old, a 2 year old, and a newly 1 year old!? Lots to do for this mom with just one working arm…

Chemo for me was brutal but it was just something that I had on my to do list.  I chose to have my chemo in Beaumont at the cancer center because it was just 20 minutes from my home. My doctors here would get the numbers from my blood work and any remarks of my progress and email them to my doctors in Houston.  The first full month I had one chemo drug that was like a mega dose.  This was my routine everyday for that month: have a friend drive me to the center and wait in the car with my 2 youngest boys.  Movies, books, snacks, juice and diaper city all in my minivan. Did you know that children aren’t allowed in an adult chemotherapy facility? I don’t know why I chose to do it the first month this way… maybe because I wanted to be close to them.  I would have blood drawn and wait for my blood level results, then be shuttled to the big chemo room for my medicine.  This would take about an hour from start to finish everyday for a month. Then it was time to get the boys home and rest before I had to pick up our kindergartener from school.  Some of my most humbling moments now are from during that time.  Walking into a cancer center at age 37 and realizing there is no one there your age is tough.  Not wanting to go back the next day was tough.  But not going wasn’t an option for me.  God had entrusted Jon and I with 3 beautiful boys, AT THIS TIME, so this became my normal. Did I hate the way it made me feel? ABSOLUTELY. Where there days that I just knew the fear would be the death of me? SURE.  Did I think I would be ok with losing my hair and then find it in clumps in the shower and cry? YEP. Did the weight loss make me look and feel sick and unattractive? YES.

Over the next 48  weeks I learned to rest, to lean, and to take it just one day at a time. Word spread over our little town and soon there was an outpouring of a group donating $175.00 in gift cards to different places to eat so that I could feed my family when I didn’t feel well enough to cook or the cleaning service that will come to your home and clean it 6 times for free so you can concentrate on everything else, the package I received from an older woman’s Sunday school class in south Texas with handwritten letters from each of the members telling me their cancer survival stories , thoughts, and prayers, the countless meals cooked by our church family, my boys going on “playdates” so mom could go get her medicine, and the miracle of medical bills just “being taken care of”.   We were going through a storm but felt so protected by our friends and family.  It really did take everyone’s  help which we are still so grateful for. 

Cancer doesn’t stop for kindergarten graduations, your baby’s first steps, the 2 year olds mile stones, anniversaries, or family vacations.  Now, 3 years later I can say that cancer was necessary for me to walk through.  I don’t want to ever be back there, but it taught me and my family so much. People have asked me how I did it, it seems like so much and it was, but it’s part of my story . I am happy to share that if it helps anyone see that we are soooo much stronger than you think when all you have to rely on is the promises of God.  He knew that it was best for us to adopt first and have the younger boys later.  He knew that cancer was in my future. He knew I would be broken and question it all. And he knew I would share my story and give him the glory for it.  

So, I write my story for our precious friend Mindy’s blog at just this time of burying my friend Heather who fought so much harder than me and the time of the year when my family is THANKFUL of the  anniversary of my surgeries and recovery.  I still have complete body checks with my dermatologist every 3 months,  MRI and CT scans every 6 months, and the doctor’s phone numbers in my contacts on my cell phone.  This will never change.  It is my new normal.  But I am THANKFUL.  

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to you,  Niki Hunt

I pray that we can all be thankful for life today as we celebrate Thanksgiving. 

Love you all,