At 24 (just barely) I became a single mom. I had no direction, and was pretty much a big chocolate mess. I had no idea that becoming a mom would lead me to my Heavenly Father, to experiencing His grace and love, and to being a witness to His perfect plan.
I really don’t know where to begin... Let’s just say that even after becoming a mom, it took me a while to stop being a big chocolate mess.
While I was beginning to enter the world of the “living” and after, my amazing, supportive, and patient family have been there for me. I don’t know how any parent gets by without a family support group, especially a single parent. This amazing support group prayed for me, and nurtured my son through Christ. Noland, my son, brought me to Christ. He knew and loved The Father and The Son before I did. I have little doubt, as do the rest of my family, that if I had not had Noland, I would be in a very bad place…still.
“We love because He first loved us” 1 John 4:19.
So true this is, and every time I read it, my heart overfloweth. So this is how it goes, I love Christ and was brought to Him by my son. My son was brought to Christ because of my sister. My sister was brought to Christ because of another believer. He loves me so much that he put all that into motion so I could know this wealth of love. Pretty cool, and He did that for all of us!!
The first few years of Noland’s life were just kind of crazy, much of it I brought onto myself. I still had a lot of growing up to do. I have worked half of Noland’s life waiting tables. That means a lot of nights, which meant a lot of babysitting from my family. Our schedule was completely whack. Realizing that this, (waiting tables), was neither conducive nor reliable I decided to go back to school. I went to school during the day, worked at night, and was still trying to figure out how to be a mom. I think for most moms, it takes a while, and by that I mean years before being a mom is innate. Not to say maternal instinct doesn’t kick in immediately, because it did for me, but the active part of being a mom…. ohmygoodness. Our children are always in need or want of something, and with Noland it was just me. We lived with my parents, so they helped out, and he spent a lot of time with my sister and her family, but children are a lot of work. There is a reason that it takes two to make a child, because it takes two to take care of a child.
However, I think that I can say I have never felt the full force of being a single parent, because my family has always been there. Except for maybe one time, when I was pretty sure I was dieing and too sick to get up and unlock the deadbolt so my sister could take Noland. When Noland has been sick I have been able to take him to my dad or my sister. My dad has always made sure that Noland gives me a Mother’s Day, Christmas, and birthday present. There have been times when I have been at my wits end, and my sister has graciously taken Noland to give me a break.
There are a few not so obvious things I had to deal with. Like when Noland started talking, and the poor boy talked like a valley girl…just like his mother. So, now I talk more like a guy, or try to at least. Trying to figure out potty training him, and that whole standing while peeing thing…we can thank his uncle. A single mom raised me with sisters; needless to say I had no idea about all this boy stuff. So many times I turn to my brother-in-law or my dad to help out. I am seeing someone now, and I think God has set him aside for me, and that is another blessing to have another man in Noland’s realm, and mine.
It can be very tiring being the mom and the dad. I bounce a lot of parent ideas and problems off my sister, because I don’t have a partner to help me figure out discipline. Without a husband to back me up or get that grr man/dad thing, my patience can grow short very quickly and I just want to beat my head against the wall. If I can’t make it to a parent/teacher conference, then it’s missed. When I am slammed with school, there isn’t another parent to fill in with Noland. When I am sick, there isn’t someone to get a bath going, homework, dinner, or reading. Thankfully I am a relatively healthy person, and many times my family can usually come through and help us out.
But, I think that one of my biggest frustrations comes from society. When I first found out I was going to be a single mom, I thought that there would be so many people wanting to help me, or feeling sorry for me…but I quickly found out that was not the case. Not to say there were not people, because there definitely are, but there are a lot of single moms out there; we are kind of like a dime a dozen. I had to learn that I made my bed, and now I had to lay in it. That is not what is frustrating, that’s just how it is. What frustrates me is my own initial thought of being a single mom, and seeing others enable ideas like that for other single parents.
“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
This is what I found; being a single mom doesn’t make me special, different, or some delicate being. Yes, I may need some more assistance at times, but I see moms every day struggling the same struggles I have. For the most part, I don’t see a whole lot of difference. I wish that society and the church would demand a little bit more of its single parents, or maybe not demand more, but at least stop treating it like it is some handicap. I have heard several times over that churches need to reach out to its single moms, and take care of them and their children. Although I know this is meant well, and the Bible talks about taking care of us, sometimes I think it is enabling single parents not to strive for more, allowing single parents to act entitled to someone taking care of our kids, or our bills, or our houses. I have found more growth and enlightenment in serving others. Not only that, but He has also opened up my schedule and my heart to serve others…and truthfully that is where it is at. This is what our Father asks of us, to serve others. He didn’t say only serve if you are wealthy, healthy, if your family is complete, or your life is going smooth. We are just supposed to take care of each other. Through that we walk closer to Christ, and I think amazing healing happens on the inside.
This is one of my favorite verses, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. For what is seen is temporary, but is unseen is eternal” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. God put me on this path because He wants me to be home with Him. What day-to-day struggles I have are achieving a much greater gift, and I am so thankful. My life is good, full of blessings every day that I get to share with another person.
I love what Mindy is doing with this blog, and I hope that it teaches us something very important. No matter what kind of mommy you are, or daddy or person in general, we are all very much the same. God did all of this, he knew exactly what He was doing and it is all for His purpose. I think of myself, as Christian woman and mother, just like most of you. Regardless if we had our children at 18 or 40, or if we have 1 or 10, working or not, single or married, we are all specifically chosen to be the mother of our Father’s children.
Written by Kelly Raglow.
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