In My Shoes...

"In my shoes" is a weekly series that is updated every Thursday. I hope you enjoy the following post and that like me, you will learn more about a different walk of life, which will help you to love better! We love comments or likes and would love to have you follow this series with us. We have some amazing women and amazing topics to share. If you have something YOU would like to write about, please contact me!

They used to say if the Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife; they would have issued you one. Now fortunately for me, this attitude is no longer conveyed- in fact, the opposite is true. Families are celebrated in the Marine Corps and are a recognized asset to the strength and foundation that allows the individual marine to do his job well. A common slogan in our community is, “Marine Wife- Toughest Job in the Corps,” and while I’m not sure this phrase is accurate, I do know this lifestyle is unique in the struggles and challenges it presents.

James at his last promotion ceremony.

I am married to a marine, Gunnery Sergeant James Regan. We live on Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton in southern California- about half-way in between San Diego and Los Angeles. Our residence on the northern part of the base places us in south Orange County. We live in a beautiful community with gorgeous weather and phenomenal beach access. Living on a base is almost like being in a small city- we have our own neighborhoods, elementary school, gas station, grocery store, community center, and various other resources and conveniences. There is a built-in community network and support system, as military families tend to come together in support of one another. We bond over shared experiences specific to marriage, parenting, and life in general since those outside our community are not always able to fully comprehend the complexities of our lifestyle. 

Heather and James- Summer 2010

My husband, James and I met through my college roommate and best friend, Cyndi. I was a student at Texas Lutheran University in Seguin, TX pursuing a major and future career in social work. James was a former marine and was also taking college courses where he lived in San Antonio. We dated for nearly two years before one of the most horrific tragedies in our nation’s history occurred- the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

In the days that followed the attacks, James contemplated a decision that would change our lives forever. “I have to go back,” he told me. “But I can’t go without you,” he had said. Less than two months later, James reenlisted in the United States Marine Corps and was prepared to immediately deploy to support our nation’s efforts to combat terrorism. We were married on November 9, 2001 in a small chapel service on my college campus. James quickly relocated to Camp Pendleton, CA to join the training efforts of his new infantry unit.

I remained in Texas during this time as I had one more semester of college to complete before receiving my Bachelor’s degree. Initially I had planned to join James in California after my graduation, but we soon learned that he would be deploying in June of 2002, so I opted to remain home with family and friends until he returned in December of that year. I managed to visit James over my spring break in March and quickly realized that I didn’t come home alone! When James returned home from his deployment that December, it was our newborn daughter, Haley Marie that welcomed him home with me.

Individual photo of Haley is from July 2010- Third year at Forest Home

Moving half-way across the country with a two-week-old infant was a bit of a challenge, but James and I were so excited to finally be living together as a family after spending our entire first year of marriage apart. This joy was short-lived, as James’s unit was recalled and sent to Kuwait to await the impending invasion on Iraq. Haley was only six weeks old when her father was deployed again for an indefinite period of time. Communication was severely restricted and we went a solid four months without a letter, an email, or a phone call. To say these days were difficult and stressful is an understatement, but I tried to stay busy and positive until James was finally safely home in May of 2003.

Haley and Jack at the homecoming celebration waiting to see Daddy after a 7 month deployment- August 2009

 The next few years brought an additional eight month long combat deployment and a move to Littleton, CO in 2005. We lived in Colorado for three years where I attended graduate school and earned a Master’s degree in social work. In August of 2007, we welcomed (together this time!) a son, Jackson Adam. Our time in Colorado provided respite from the deployment rotations and long training exercises, but the role James was filling was challenging and he worked long hours, often seven days a week. It proved to be a stressful time for our marriage. As always, we persevered and were excited to return to Camp Pendleton, CA in July of 2008. This was the summer that altered the course of my life.

While waiting for our new home to be ready, we stayed with close friends for a few weeks upon our return to California. During this time, we received a military scholarship opportunity to attend family camp through Forest Home Ministries. Donors of the ministry wished to outreach military families and allow them the affordable opportunity to attend camp while bonding as a family and experiencing God’s word. I remember being slightly apprehensive to attend, as I was unsure what to expect and felt intimidated by the religious environment. I was raised to believe in God and was taught basic Christian principles, but at this time our family did not regularly attend church and I felt inferior by my lack of biblical knowledge.

I had heard of the concept of being “saved” by Jesus, but never truly understood what this meant. At camp, I was welcomed by the staff and the other campers in attendance with warmth and enthusiasm. The worship time and messages presented throughout the week completely inspired me to be a better person, wife, and mother as I knew something was lacking in my life. During this week, I learned that what lacked in my life was my relationship with the Lord. On a quiet night while the energies of camp were winding down for the day, I opened my heart, accepted Jesus as my Savior and vowed to give my life to Him.

Returning home from camp, I felt invigorated at the prospect of beginning my life as a true Christian. Haley attended a VBS themed summer camp at a local church. She had so much fun and parents were invited to the upcoming Sunday services in order to watch the children perform the songs they learned in camp. I stayed for the service and had such an amazing and uplifting experience. I thoroughly enjoyed the worship team and was so interested in the pastor’s message. We began attending the services regularly and I immediately recognized a shift in my perspective- instead of feeling like church attendance was a chore or something we were simply too busy for, the services and worship time became the highlight of my week. The time spent there became something I craved. I eventually became more involved in our church by volunteering in the VBS, Children’s Ministry, and MOPS programs.

Sundays soon became special family time that completely united us. Haley and Jack loved their children’s programs and James and I enjoyed attending services and learning together. This time with one another strengthened us as individuals and strongly solidified us as a couple, despite rocky moments during the course of our marriage. I found that my new perspective gave me a new found appreciation for my husband. He became someone I was more consciously grateful for as I viewed him as a gift to me from God. 

James introducing Jack to our congregation during his Child Dedication. Pacific Coast Church, December 2009

The hardships of our lifestyle soon were overlooked and instead, I realized how truly blessed we were to experience stable income, housing, health insurance, and various other benefits in a time of such economic uncertainty in our country. Incorporating a relationship with the Lord into my life allowed EVERYTHING in my life to change, even when nothing really did. A more appreciative attitude and a changed perspective allowed me to focus and realign my priorities. Being confident in God’s plan for me helped me push anxiety and worry aside as I lived a life in which I had no control- the Marine Corps dictates where my husband works and where we live; we haven’t lived near family or our closest friends for the past eight years. I can now look on this time away as an adventure full of purpose with wisdom and knowledge being gained through these experiences. 

I can more fully appreciate the added dimension to my marriage the deployments create, as the homecomings are extraordinary experiences. The anticipation that builds after being geographically separated for seven or eight months at a time is indescribable. It creates a powerful energy that allows us to celebrate one another and our children in a special way where no one is taken for granted. While the adjustment period can sometimes be a little stressful with routines and habits being readjusted once again, we find a new clarity that allows us to remember what is really important.

Heather and Haley- crazy hair day at VBS, August 2010

When I reflect on the moments when I was having my baby by myself or anxiously waiting to hear about my husband’s status as neighbors of mine were learning that their husbands were never returning home, I am overwhelmed as I realize that God as always been with me- giving me the strength and courage to endure even if I wasn’t always aware of His presence. The realities of a war-time climate have resulted in James deploying once again to Iraq in 2008 as well as his current deployment to Afghanistan- we look forward to welcoming him home in May of this year. The deployments remain challenging and as our children grow older, their experiences evolve as they begin to further understand their father’s absence and the dangers he faces. This dynamic presents new parenting challenges to me as I function as a single-parent raising children with concerns no child should ever have to face. I rely on my faith to get me through these times and find comfort and peace by doing so. 

Jack at Build A Bear Workshop listening to a pre-recorded message from James in his "Daddy Bear"- November 2010

I find myself still relatively early in my journey with the Lord. I still have so much to learn and understand. One thing I am sure of, as God has already shown me- I can do anything with Him by my side. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Heather Regan

Thank you, Mindy for inviting me to participate in your blog. I’ve enjoyed reading such uplifting and inspirational stories from all who have shared!