I am learning to live within my limitations and to not do it begrudgingly, but to be thankful for the ways God is teaching me. As much as I believe it intellectually, it is such a hard concept for me to grasp that God is not interested in all the things that I can do for Him, but He is interested in me being fully devoted to Him. More than anything I can give Him, He just wants to live in an intimate relationship with me. I believe the rest will flow from that, but it cannot and will not work any other way. (Another thing is that I am a recovering people pleaser, and it's hard to please others when I am at home!)
What does this look like practically? I am staying home a lot more and I am allowing myself one "big" thing a day. Maybe that "big" thing is going to the grocery store with the kids in tow. Maybe it is taking the kids swimming. Maybe it is having Group at our house on Tuesday evenings, or maybe it is going to a dinner that is being put on to raise funds for my precious friends.
No matter what that "one" thing is, the rest of the day is committed to taking care of myself and of my family. Making sure we all have clean clothes, putting three meals on the table (healthy ones as often as possible), sitting with Dylan on the couch and having him read a book to me. Rolling on the floor with Sarah listening to her belly laugh and squeezing her soft skin! Doing math flashcards over lunch, and reading a story from the bible over dinner. Little things that seem so simple, but that go so far. Those little things that get squeezed out when I choose to fill my life with busyness, even "good" busyness.
Homeschooling starts for us in about a month and I am nervous about that, but I love the freedom and flexibility that it allows.
One of the things I have noticed is that staying home gives my kids the freedom to be kids. When we choose to be on the go, they are sort of left with no freedom to be creative. They are forced to engage with the world around them that constantly has millions of distractions fighting for their attention. When we stay home, they get out their stuffed animals and give them haircuts. They build hide-outs and shoot the enemies that are encroaching on them. They pretend that the rails on the staircase are the barricades from the bad guys and they have their toy guns lined up prepared for battle. They take hour long baths with their sister. They freeze toys in cups and then have so much fun defrosting their creations in the bathtub. They build lego towers. They watch super hero shows and they cuddle with me on the couch. It's good. It's really good.
I think God knows what we need more than I do, who would have thought?? ;) Looking forward to a season of focus and recovery. (Oh, and we got a new mattress today that I am soooo excited about! I am hoping it will help my body feel a little less achy as well:))
Blessings friends. Thank you so much for all the love and support that you guys give me.
I am feeling this exact same feeling tonight, friend!! I feel pulled in so many directions to do this and do that, but wondering if I'm really doing what God wants me to do at all?? My husband said that Jesus told the apostles to live in the now. To be like a child. They don't think about tomorrow, (unless they are counting down for their birthday) and they don't think about yesterday. They just enjoy the now. I think as we draw closer to Him, our heart becomes more open to giving and serving, and then we kind of panic and think we have to figure out how to do that. But I think being open to giving and serving is all it takes for God to step in and open some big ole doors for us!! :)
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