In my shoes...

"In my shoes" is a weekly series that is updated every Thursday. I hope you enjoy the following post and that like me, you will learn more about a different walk of life, which will help you to love better! We love comments or likes and would love to have you follow this series with us. We have some amazing women and amazing topics to share. 

First of all, I want to thank our daughter, Mindy, for providing this venue to write about “our story” of Pregnant at 16 (for my husband to be , 18).  Starting this process from an initial fear and anxiety over “opening old wounds, ” both of us have developed a blessed, new perspective. Through our combined perspectives,  (me, my husband, my mama and the LORD),  I have been able to view this time in our lives through new lenses.  I thank the LORD for this.

The “gold” that I want most to come from this effort:

Psalm 127:3
Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.

As you will see in our story, the enemy who comes to “steal, kill and destroy, ” tried to take our gift away, using a respected member of society to disguise the act of murder (a family doctor).  I have realized in writing this where my “Passion” for the unborn was first ignited.  Resulting in my eventual volunteer work as a lay counselor to young girls and women in crisis pregnancy for over 8 years.  I can still hear the voices, and see the faces of women who “choose life”.  Hauntingly, during that time,  as an eventual  lay counselor for the post abortive, I also hear the cry’s and see the faces of the women who did not “choose life," some to never conceive again.  Though redeemed, in many cases, the destruction and continual reminder of the choice made, in many cases even forced, is lifelong.   That breaks my heart.  I must tell you, that while I advocate and shout for “saving the life of the unborn," I also speak to those affected by a barbaric culture that even “came up with the initial solution of murdering a child,"  cleaned up the act that use to be in back alleys and put it into a sterile, bright, convenient, (God forgive us), “legal” act.  An alternative to birth control.  I say, I am sorry to you and I offer to you the grace, mercy and redemption of our LORD Jesus Christ.  I say to you if you have never processed this pain and if it has affected every area of your life, you can be set free.  I would love to direct that effort through great resources, should you inquire.  For our Savior came to “set the captives free."

The worst thing said to me as a 16 year old:

·       You have messed up your life, how stupid you are, have an abortion.

The most encouraging thing that people said or did:

·       I love you, I am with you, I will help you to discover if you are pregnant, I will walk beside you in this  (my sister).

·       I love you still, I am with you, you are not alone, I will help you raise this baby (my mama).

·       I love you, I want to marry you (my husband to be).

·       Your baby is fine, your due date is approximately March 1, Congratulations mama and daddy! (an OB/GYN – can still “feel” her acceptance)

·       As we stood quietly in the elevator, after a first  OB/GYN appointment a stranger  read:
1 Corinthians 7:9 but if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry.  It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. 

·       Our family next door neighbor and friend, along with her grown and married daughters supported us through the planning and putting together of a very nice wedding (borrowed wedding gown included) and reception.

·       Friends (primarily my mother’s) and family support through 2 showers and generous gifts for baby to be.


Our Story

Sweet 16 – that is the label applied when a girl reaches her 16th birthday. For me, 16 had been everything but sweet. In this year my step dad of 15 years decided to run off with another woman, leaving my mother and me (last of her 3 children at home) alone. I watched my mother fall into deep despair, culminating in “emotional shock” (I went in to find her “frozen” on her bed one evening – not responding to anyone or anything) from the pain of the betrayal, as she contemplated how she would now provide for herself and me.   At this same time I was suffering from a recent break-up and re entrance into the perceived “single world of high school,"  where my relationship with my high school sweetheart (Tommy) had ended after 2 ½ years. My in-ability to cope with all of the above culminated in a very selfish act of destruction one evening as I over-dosed on prescription pills.  

Most of the events mentioned above occurred during my junior year in high school. The end of the school year saw things turning for the better. Tommy and I had gotten back together after we attended the prom with different people. My mom, securing lucrative employment was getting back on her feet after the divorce. I had accepted that my daddy was not coming back, nor would I have a relationship with him.  I entered the summer feeling better about life and was actually looking forward to my senior year.

Tommy and I began the summer on an ill advised trip to New Braunfels. It was a trip that started off with each of us lying to our parents about who would be on the trip. By the time we got home from the trip,  I was certain that I was pregnant. Failed birth control triggered these pregnancy fears.

On July 8th, my initial pregnancy concerns were confirmed. My older sister had taken a urine sample to the doctor to be tested. The test results were positive. I knew that I had to go tell Tommy the news. I was very concerned about how he would respond.

Tommy was busy moving into his first apartment when I found him. He had put a deposit on the apartment on his 18th birthday but had to wait three months for construction to be completed before he could move in to it. He was very excited to finally be moving out of his parents’ house. It took awhile for me to do so but sometime between the second and third load of items to move in,  I finally shared the news with him,  expecting the worse. Instead, he told me that everything was going to be ok. He said that it had always been his plan for us to get married when I graduated high school. I was still dealing with the shock of it all and told him that I didn’t know what I wanted to do. We agreed that we needed to find out more before we started making wedding arrangements.

Next I had to break the news to my mom. I couldn’t do it and my older sister, who was married and living elsewhere, didn’t want to do it either. We knew she had been through a lot over the past year and neither of us wanted to hurt her with this news. We decided to ask our mom’s next door neighbor, also a very good friend, to break the news to her for us. Tommy and I showed up at the house after we were sure that she knew what was going on. There were lots of tears that night but more than anything there was love and support. She told us that she and I could raise the baby or Tommy and I could get married. It was as simple as that to her. She stopped focusing on the troubles going on in her life and focused on my well being. The first thing to do was to get me to a doctor for an examination because there was some concern I might not be able to have a normal pregnancy due to the fact that I had an ovary and a tube  removed when I was 10 years old.

My mom and I went to my family doctor the next day. This is when I experienced my first emotional assault due to the pregnancy. He got angry with me for “being so careless” and suggested that abortion would be my best option. I became very upset and didn’t want to hear anything else he had to say. I now viewed him as a threat to my baby and vowed to never see him again.

We lined up an appointment to visit with a different  doctor the following day. This time Tommy would be with me. My mom went as well but she waited in the car while Tommy and I went in alone. This appointment went much better. The doctor told us that everything appeared to be fine and that our baby should be arriving sometime the following spring. Tommy and I got on the elevator and stood silently at each other’s side. There was a man with a bible on the elevator as well that day. It shocked us when he began to speak to us. He said “I don’t know what is going on with you two, but I suspect and would like to read a scripture to you.” To the best of our combined memory, through Internet searching I think this was the verse – 1 Corinthians 7:9 “If they cannot control their desires, let them marry” A wash of relief came over me. The shame I felt for being pregnant causing me to believe that God would not forgive or love me anymore had been lifted by the scripture this stranger had shared with us. I told Tommy that I would marry him.  He said ok, let’s do it 8 days from now on July 18th.

This date was his parent’s 19th wedding anniversary (they were divorced before their 20th anniversary).  We shared the news with my mom when we got back to the car. Initially we planned on getting married at the Justice of the Peace offices. That changed later on in the day, when, with the aid of our next door neighbor and her married children,  an impromptu wedding was planned.

Tommy broke the news to his dad the next day. His mom was out of town and unavailable by phone. His dad called him a “bleeping idiot” and said the marriage would be over within a year and a half max. Tommy told him that he was not asking for permission. Instead he was telling him when the wedding would be occurring and that he would like him to attend. Amazingly, he ended up standing in as Tommy’s best man during the wedding.

Tommy got a similar response from his co-workers when he told them he was getting married. He was the youngest one at his company and the co-workers were somewhat brutal over the next week. They told him that he was crazy to get married and that it would be easier to pay for an abortion. They also drew pictures of shotguns and such to drive home their point.

Eight days later, in a wedding dress borrowed from my next door neighbor; I walked down the aisle to marry my 18 year old husband. We were surrounded by family and friends. The wedding itself was a blur but there was lots of laughing during it. Tommy could feel my legs shaking under my dress as I held his hand to say my vows. This triggered a nervous laugh on his part that caused everyone in the wedding party to crack up laughing. We were laughing so hard at one point that the preacher looked up at everyone in the church and said “I guess it is better they laugh than cry.” We made it through the wedding without the tears but they sure started flowing when Tommy and I drove away from the church. I cried as we drove to the apartment that I was now to call “my home”. All I wanted to do was go home with my mama.  As the youngest child and last one to live at home I felt sad and guilty for leaving my mom all alone.  Instead of consummating our marriage that night, Tommy waited until I stopped crying long enough to suggest that he take me to Denny’s for a late night meal.  To this day, Tommy tells everyone that he took me on a trip to Denny’s for our honeymoon.

Days into our marriage, Tommy and I went together to our first OB/GYN appointment.  This woman treated us with great respect and gave us the first date of when to expect our baby.  Along with pertinent information, I left that appointment feeling like a “new mommy."  A joyful feeling started to consume me. Immediately from that appointment I had a new purpose.  No longer was I “16 and pregnant,"  I was going to be a mommy.

I went to the store, purchased a 3 ring binder and wrote my first letter to my baby girl.  I never even considered that she was a boy – never.  I began to write, and write, and write.  It felt as if writing was “saving me."  I wrote to my baby girl and I wrote to God (who would not become my LORD until much later).  Just about every day thereafter, sometimes several times a day, I pulled out my binder and began writing.  At first I called her baby, then Misty, settling in on Mindy during the pregnancy.  I wrote to her and God about every detail in my life.  Gave her the happenings, him the fears, wrote about how many times I was sick, weight loss (from sickness) and just about everything else in my 16 year old mind.  Writing to her and to God was my constant companion and source of courage and strength. 

The feeling of shame would still show itself occasionally when I was around my peers. Tommy and I had agreed that it would be best for me to not attend my senior year in high school because of the pregnancy.  We also agreed that I would go get my GED after the baby arrived.

Thankfully I did not show quickly but I remember the stares, whispers and looks of “poor her."  And of course the stupid questions.  For example, while attending our homecoming football game during my first trimester,  there was the friend that asked “So, your pregnant, how does that feel?”  "How do you think it “feels” idiot?" (whoops),  or the girl that said “Tommy married you huh? That is so sweet” (That’s right, poor Tommy). That night I decided to stay away from my peers because their immaturity caused awkward situations that led me to experience even more shame.

My pregnancy was very difficult. I was very sick, throwing up, it seemed a minimum of 1 time per day, every day even on the day that I delivered.  Tommy got to where he kept a pan handy and would throw it towards me, turn his head and say “I’m sorry babe” as he walked out the door.  Thus, I stayed very close to home.  My mother was a constant source of encouragement, love and unconditional love.  She came to our place many times to clean and cook.  Despite her own pain, while going back to work to support herself, she was instrumental in helping to make my transition into wife, and motherhood more tolerable. 

On the day that I gave birth, my shame went away.  My baby girl was beautiful and for the first time in my life I felt that “all was well."  I had a purpose now for my life.  I never looked back to the shame.  With her in my arms,  my life took on a new meaning, she was my pride and she was my joy.  With that all-consuming love, came a new level of fear. That fear started me down the path towards realizing my desperation for the God who had given me this incredible gift but could also take it away.  I did not know him in an intimate way prior to that time but this love for my baby would change that. One of my greatest memories is of kneeling in the dark next to my daughter’s beautiful white canopy crib (given to us by her nanny, my mom) and calling out to the Lord of all, “Please…. Do not take this love from me, please …. Keep her safe, I have never asked you for much and I don’t really know who you are, but please….”

My Mama and Mindy.

To this day, our Mindy Leigh Williams is our tremendous delight, a continual source of love and joy.  She continues to bless us with her life and now the lives of her and Jason’s offspring.  We are blessed, yes we are blessed. How sweet is that, starting from a perceived – “not so sweet 16”…..

To God be the glory, for the things he has done…..


Written by Diane Williams, my momma:).