Life's Healing Choices- Choice Two

Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 5:4

Choice one wasn't a very FUN chapter for me to go through. This book is actually coming into my life in God's most perfect, incredible timing. I have been processing some stuff for months now, and I believe going through this book, is going to help me in knowing what to do with the "junk" in my life. It is really so much bigger than this book, it's the message of the gospel, however, the words in this book, and the message that I am hearing thus far is one of redemption and revival.

For the past ten years of my life, since I surrendered my life to the Lord, I have gone full-fledged into "serving Him" mode. I think I realized that I belonged to a daddy in Heaven who wanted me and who had a purpose for me, and so my response for Him was to work for Him and to never stop showing Him how thankful I was/am for the things He has saved me from. My life would be very different right now if it weren't from the crazy-style intervention that God worked in my life when I was 20 years old.

With that said, I haven't really slowed down. Or stopped. I married a pastor, we had 3 kids in 5 years, we moved several times, we worked on staff at several churches, and you better believe, I have been "doing MY best" all this time to "make God PROUD." I want Him to be proud of me. I love Him, and I have found a lot of ways through scripture that I know are pleasing to Him. I have learned a lot about what it means to be a "good" wife and to be a good mom, I have read every book, I have gone to conferences, I have sought Goldy council, and the list goes on. And you better believe I have given it my absolute best. All of these things are good things, I am not saying they aren't.

However, when I got sick, I felt like the rug was PULLED OUT FROM UNDER ME. I felt WORTHLESS. I was so disappointed bc I felt God had showed me how to make Him proud, and now that I couldn't,  now what? How was I still going to be lovable? How was I going to keep my family afloat? How was I going to raise Godly offspring? How would I be a helper and an encouragement to my spouse? How could I serve in the church? How could I love my neighbors when I couldn't get out of bed and/or when I couldn't do much more than survive. Much less, be active and engaged in my life that God had blessed me with. That's when I hit rock bottom. And I am so thankful.

God showed me in that place that there was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I could do or not do that would make Him love me any more or less. He wasn't going to stop being proud of me and He was NEVER, EVER going to leave my side. Even if everyone else did. (Which to those of you who didn't, thank you. You have blessed me more than I could ever, ever communicate to you. Many of you are my faithful blog readers:))

With all of this being said, God is rebuilding me right now. And He is doing it with my foundation being made anew. My foundation is that I am loved and cherished by Jesus Christ. I am a child of the king and NOTHING can ever shake or change that. (If you have believed in Jesus Christ, the same goes for you by the way.)

God has revealed to me many hurts, habits, and hang-ups that I have. And they aren't pretty at all. I have grieved my sin. I have grieved the ways that I have tried to be in control of my life and the ways that I have refused to let God comfort me. I have pushed some things so far from the surface that I didn't give God the free reign to free me and release me from my past. Some of it 20 years ago, 15 years ago, 10 years ago, all the way up to 2 years ago.

It has been painful to bring things back to the surface, but in the company of beloved, trusted, sisters of mine, I have given so many things back up to my daddy.

He's got it now. I have given it all back to Him, and I refuse to believe that I can heal myself, or help myself any longer. I can't. I need God everyday. And I PRAISE Him because he cares enough for me that those things matter to Him.  And in His kindness and goodness, He alone is big enough to give me the strength and power to overcome my hurts, habits, and hang-ups. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Daddy.

I love you.

Choice Two
Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.

Ps. I prayed years ago that God would help me feel comfortable calling Him "daddy." He answered.

Pss. Please see The Crossing's website to hear Marty and Jason as they preach on the beatitudes, (the scriptures that this book is based on). It will bless your socks off. Truly.

Life's Healing Choices- Choice One