The Seven Steps

1. I have a problem.
2. Jesus has the power.
3. Make Jesus Lord.
4. Confess the good, the bad, and the ugly.
5. Tell someone your problem.
6. Tell yourself it's time for a change.
7. And tell the Lord to create a new spirit within you.

These are the 7 steps out of darkness quoted by Robert Emmitt from Community Bible Church.

If you have read anything on this blog, it's obvious that right now I have a big problem. Pain is super annoying and mine has been pretty much relentless for the last 7 months. Not fun at all. What's been equally bad has been the toll that it has taken on my spirit and emotions. You see I know fully well that God has the power to heal my body and I became incredibly hurt and disapointed when for some reason my body was not healing, no matter how many doctors I went to, drugs I tried, people who prayed over me, and the list goes on.

I questioned wether God was mad at me, wether He just didn't love me or hear me anymore and what his calling was on my life. I questioned a lot of things because I was so incredibly sad.
All of these questions, I was for the most part, keeping to myself. I felt ashamed that I was questioning the goodness of our God. So after my last appointment with a doctor of internal medicine, I admitted my fears and doubts to my mom and to Jason.

Neither one of them shunned me. They just listened and I cried my eyes out like a baby.

This whole time I knew that just like every other struggle in my life, there would be a breaking point where I finally felt the power of God bring me to a place of acceptance. I have been fighting accaptance big time. And even though I knew it was necessary, there was NOTHING I could do to MAKE it happen.

When I confessed to my mom and Jason, it wasn't an immediete release and I had no idea that it was going to be the turning point for me. I just did it because I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Then I came home today and a precious friend of mine told me to listen to Pastor Emmitt's most recent message on darkness. I jut finished listening to it and I realized that I had JUST gone through the last 7 steps. Unknowingly and unintentionally.

I am still not healed. I am still not diagnosed. But for now, I am on step 7. I have asked God to create a new spirit within me and He has. I am seeking His face and I am committed to abiding in Him. I'm not sure what my every-day life looks life anymore, but the truth is that none of us do. It's an illusion when we think we know what the future holds for us. It's a false sense of security when we think tomorrow is a guarantee for any of us. It's not. Every day IS a miracle. Every breath, every step, every word.